Coping with any addiction is challenging, but it is commonly held that the first step towards recovery is admitting that there is a problem. If you know someone who you fear is struggling with an addiction to gambling, then here are a few ways in which you can make sure you offer them the best support you can.
The sufferer will often turn away from their family and the people who care for them most, making it very difficult for people to provide the help that is needed to get them through this difficult and painful situation. Deciding to offer you support can be a tough choice to make, because your friend or relative may not seem to want your help, and can often make it very hard for you to be around them. You will not find this an easy task to undertake. Each step can be difficult to achieve, but it is vital to do all you can to help your loved one through their problem.
One major way in which you can help is to prevent the gambling addict from getting access to your money and valuables. Keep anything that they could use to get money for gambling out of their sight. If you live together, then you will need to hide or lock away these items in a place where the addict will not be able to get at them, or even to take them out of the house and deposit them at the bank. If you have some control over their finances, for instance if you have shared accounts, or if you are the parent of the addict, then you will need to shut off their access to this money. Hopefully you will be able to recognize the problem and act before they have spent too much. It is not uncommon to find that large amounts of your savings have gone when you discover that your partner has been gambling uncontrollably. Prevent the addict from accessing their accounts, and call up the credit card company to cancel their cards.
At a certain point you will be faced with the necessity of confronting the addict directly. The most important thing to remember is that getting angry and shouting at them is unlikely to help. Prepare yourself and try to keep calm. Let them know just how much they have hurt you, and what the effect of their addiction has been on the people around them. Choose a time when you can gather a group of close relatives and friends around them so that you do not have to face this difficult moment alone, and so that the addicted person can see how much you all care for them, and what they have made the people closest to them suffer. Everyone should take the opportunity to speak and explain how the addiction and its effect on the addict’s behavior has made them feel. Make sure that everyone is prepared to act in a calm way. Your goal is to help the addict to see what a real problem they have, in the hope of getting them to admit that something is seriously wrong. This is not about making accusations or getting angry about your grievances.
Confronting the problem is not going to solve it. Don’t assume that once you have all spoken to the addict they will be able to return to their old self and give up gambling. What you should be hoping to achieve at this stage is to get the addict to see that they need help, and to put them on the way to getting the professional support and advice that will help them through this.
Your loved one may appear to recover after you have confronted them, but often this will end in a relapse. In many cases, the addict will continue to gamble until they are shocked into accepting that they have become addicted. Unfortunately this means that they must get into a situation in which they feel utterly alone and hopeless, separated from their family, alienated from their friends, and having nothing of value left in their lives. It may seem cruel, or even impossible, but if you are left with no other alternative, and the addict continues gambling after you have tried to confront them, you may need to be willing to push them out of your life. You can only hope that they will then come to realize the significance of their addiction, and make their own move towards recovery, at which point you can be ready to give them the help they need.
Once the addict is willing to confront their own problem, there are good support systems in place for gambling addicts. Gamblers Anonymous provides a great service for long-term recovery, but many addicts will be better served by beginning with individual counseling sessions or visits to a psychologist who specializes in treating this addiction.
More comprehensive information on the services available for those with gambling addictions, and advice on how to cope if you believe a loved one has become addicted to gambling, is available from Gamblers Anonymous and the website of codependence.
